So so lonely

Back in rehearsals….whoooooooo!

Eenie, meanie, minie, mo,
This decision I should know,
Aching, hurting, love is gone,
How can life still carry on?

All the choices, all those thoughts,
So much to consider in the end,
How can one mind choose the fate,
Of another, of a secret, of the truth in a lie.

Does anyone know how the soul really works?
If we have power to kill before it starts?
Does the soul move on past or inhabit a shell?
Is it even created, does it die?

Choice is stolen away,
One life loses another,
Heavy, pulling, faint and fast a dizzy mess,

Then a weight is removed,
You’ll always be the first,
In my heart is your soul,
Guide me far, lift me, love.

Can someone please tell me who I am, what I want to be and where my life should go?

To my darling blast from the past,

I’m so, so sorry to hear of your loss today. I know you have contacted me because of all the people you know I am the one that has had the closest experience to what you’re going through right now. Really, what you’re having to do is much harder than it was for me. I only had one brother to support, and he didn’t really mourn as he never knew him. But you have 4 and they all knew her.

I know what it is to look at that shell though, lying there. I know what it is to wish you could turn back the clock and say all the things you never said, do all the things you never did. Regain all the lost years that the two of you were not a part of each others lives for. But it’s useless M it really is. You can’t understand that right now because the pain you’re feeling is a tilde wave of crippling shock that roots you from the base of your spine into an unimaginable darkness. But open your heart. Find the relief and the good in what has happened. They were never meant to be here, they were in constant agony, that’s why they were so sick. But now, now they’re free, they’re somewhere that doesn’t judge them, where they don’t feel any strain or ties or unreachable expectations. They are finally alive. And she loves you, and he loves me, and that, is what you need to hold on to to make it easier. And M it does get easier… I promise. x